Thursday, July 11, 2013

Short read: Domestic violence

I saw this talk given by Leslie  Morgan  Steiner, on TED  talks about why domestic violence victims tolerate it. Here are the key points.
It is said that 30 percent  of women in United  States  are victims of domestic violence. Contrary to what we might think immediately, it's not a phenomenon restricted to homes  where women are financially  dependent.  On the other hand,  it is present throughout all classes of the society. And  women  aren't  the only victims.
How does a victim fall into  this  trap?
In order for the abuser to have control over the victim,  he  or  she  first lures  the  victim into what seems like a stable loving relationship. The victim is made to feel are if she is the dominant part of the relationship,  and that the relationship would serve to fulfill all her dreams.
In the second stage,  the victim is gradually isolated from others.  She is pulled into a world in a world in which only the abuser and herself exists.  In such a world,  she wouldn't even be heard when she screams.  Often,  the abuser does this by moving to a new home where the victims friends  and family are miles away.
Now that the stage is set, the abuser starts his work.
Why does abuse go on? Why does  she  not  stop  it?
It takes the victim a long time to realize that she in an abusive relationship. She thinks she is in a relationship with a troubled man, who has only her, to whom she is the center of his universe.  She thinks she can help her soulmate  through his troubles to have that perfect relationship with him. 
But even after the illusion fades, the victim often doesn't get out of the relationship because she is scared. About 60percent of killings  in an abusive relationship occur after the relationship is ended.  The abuser doesn't have anything more to lose anymore.
What can be done?
If you are a victim of domestic violence the first thing you should do is to let others know.  Tell  your  friends,  tell  your  family,  tell  your  neighbours.  End your isolation and let the world know. Once his dirty secret is out,  the abuser will have to be more cautious.  You have a chance to escape.

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